I had no idea Craigslist was this specific, not to mention this sexually confused.

Had I known about Craigslist’s potential when I was single, I would have taken full advantage of it. “Yeah, I’m looking for a straight brunette girl with big boobs and glasses, willing to dress up in a Catholic school girl outfit and make me nachos. Must be into Faulkner, LSU football, and the Criterion Collection.”

What’s the worst that could happen? I get someone E-Mailing me back to ask if it’s okay that she’s a Tulane fan?