Lil’ B feat. Messy Marv- “I Look Like Hannah Montana”

1. Some people swear that Lil’ B the Based God is good. I kind of heard it on “Wonton Soup,” but he’s one of those dudes who is so prolific that he’s bound to have a song that works eventually, if only because of the law of averages.

2. This shit makes no sense. Not just the insistence that Lil’ B looks like Hannah Montana, which he does not, and that bitches suck his dick because he looks like Hannah Montana, which, no, they don’t. He also says, “Bitches suck my dick because I look like their husband.” So, if this is an implied syllogism, do all of these girls’—I’m sorry, bitches’—husbands look like a blonde Miley Cyrus? That would be strange as hell.

3. But also other things. Like, at first he describes his ring, car, and his car’s paint as “mansions.” Then he talks about his dick as if it is also “a mansion”? Then he says, “Mansion lookin’ like Fruity Pebbles and Crisco.” About which of these earlier signposts is he referring? In what way does his penis look like Fruity Pebbles and Crisco? I want to know.

4. That line about the pope? What is that?

5. I guess what I’m saying is that this sounds like a song written by a computer. If you fed a computer a vocabulary of only one thousand words—make sure “swag” is one of them—you would get something like, for instance, the tenuous connection of a line like, “Madonna…the ’80s…I’m stuntin’.” or screaming out “Spike Lee!” for no reason. They’re trying, but it’s like half of it is lost in translation, and it’s fascinating, right?

6. Are we really at a point at which two dudes can call each other “beautiful”?